


As The World Falls Down

by helloferelith



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Robbe has a sister, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21974038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloferelith/pseuds/helloferelith
Summary: Robbe lives his life in the shadows of those around him, happy to go unnoticed. But this summer he’s determined to finally stand out. On holiday in a coastal town, he meets beautiful college boy Sander, who sees him for the person he truly is. Before he knows what’s happened, one little lie has transformed into something very real.Or the one where Sander thinks Robbe is also in college and Robbe doesn’t correct him.[ON SHORT HIATUS - I'LL START WRITING FOR THIS AGAIN SOON]
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 32
Kudos: 276





	1. Chapter 1

Staring out the back of the station wagon, Robbe watches as the trees change from the London Planes of his street into fragrant evergreens. They must be getting closer to the coastal town of Knokke-Heist. 

As they turn along the winding back roads, he faces the front again. Celia, his sister is staring at him. Her eyes are narrowed into slits, her lips pursed. 

“What?” He says.

“Nothing” she says keeping her gaze fixed on him. “It’s just..why do you always wear clothes that are two sizes too big?”

“What are you talking about? Everything I wear fits fine. It’s comfortable” he says. 

He’s wearing a black beanie, his grey t-shirt and black skate chinos. Sure, the t-shirt might be a little on the baggy side but he doesn’t see what’s so offensive about that. 

“Maybe your lack of style is why Noor broke up with you..” she says pointedly.

His mum spins around in her seat. “When did this happen?”

“Thanks a lot, traitor” he grumbles, folding his arms across his chest. He refuses to look at his sister. 

“Are you okay? What happened?” His mum asks, one eyebrow angled upwards. He hates hearing the worry in her voice. She is finally back on track after a short stint in a psychiatric hospital, the last thing he wants is her stressing about his stupid break-up.

“I’m fine mum. I’d be even better if we could dis-invite her to Aunt Juliette’s end of summer party though?” He asks. This years party was shaping up to be even worse than usual - his ex and her family were coming and it was Celia’s last hurrah before going away to university. They might argue a lot, and she might not really _get_ him, but she is his sister and he does love her. 

His mum parts her mouth, an apology in her eyes. “You know I can’t do that to Noemie” she says, referring to her friend and Noor’s mother. 

Robbe waits until his mum has turned her back before elbowing Celia in her bony shoulder. He’d asked her nicely not to say anything about it.

“What? It’s better out in the open” she shrugs. “God knows the last thing this family needs is secrets”

Robbe presses the button to slide the car window down, the rushing of the wind drowns out the chatter of his breakup. He slides his phone from his pocket, no calls or texts from Noor. It feels weird not talking to her. Robbe can’t help but wonder if she misses him. 

* * *

“Oh Robbe, look at you! You’re so handsome. Have you gotten taller since I last saw you?” Aunt Juliette thinks because she just turned fifty-something that she can say whatever she wants to him now, no matter how embarrassing it is. She grabbed a hold of him, smothering him against her. Robbe pulls away from her overzealous hug, convinced he’s going to smell like her perfume for the rest of the day.

“I already set up some stargazing equipment for you in your room. I know how much you love tracking stars, comets and whatnot” she grins at him.

Robbe hadn’t used a telescope since he was thirteen. “Thanks Aunt Juliette, that’s really nice of you.”

As Juliette turns her attention to the other members of his family, Robbe rolls his suitcase into the house, hauling it up to his usual bedroom on the third floor. He'd picked this room as a kid because of the massive skylights, he wanted to be able to watch the stars from his bed. Now he’s standing in the doorway, breathless, and regrets the decision very much.

* * *

When he calls Jens the next morning, his friend answers on the first ring, not bothering to say hello. “First of all, I cannot believe you told me about your breakup in a text. Second of all, what a bitch.”

“No, she’s not.” he sighs. He can’t really blame Noor for breaking up with him, he was always distracted and never gave their relationship his all. What his friend doesn't know is that Robbe didn't really have much interest in her, or any other girl for that matter.

“Yeah, I know” his friend says sadly. “ Are you doing okay? I didn’t even get to see you before you left.”

“I- I’m gonna be fine. It’s only six weeks until I’m home. Try not to have too much fun without me yeah?”

They talk about everything and nothing after that. Jens fills him in on all the goings on in Antwerp since he’d left this morning. 

* * *

“I’m going to the beach!” Celia yells to no-one in particular.

“I’ll come too” Robbe says, he could use some time at the beach, to take his mind off everything.

“Uh, no, Ro” She winces.

“Why not?”

“I'm meeting Linne and Abi at the second lifeguard chair” she says pointedly.

Robbe snorts, does his sister ever hear herself when she talks? “And I can’t be at the second lifeguard chair because?”

“I just need some girl time, without you tagging along, y’know?” She shrugs a shoulder.

Robbe does know. She doesn’t want her uncool sixteen year old brother cramping her style. 

“Robbe, come give me a hand with the groceries” his mum shouts from the kitchen. 

He starts pulling items out of the bags, opening cupboards to put them away one at a time. “Celia gets to go to the beach and I’m stuck here helping to unpack groceries.” he sighs.

“This is her last summer here, she _should_ go spend some time with her friends.” His mum says.

“Yeah I know, it’s just that I wanted to go to the beach too" Robbe mopes.

“So go” she says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

“By myself?” Robbe screws up his face.

“Why not? Go dip your feet in the water for a while or grab an ice-cream, whatever it is you kids do at the beach nowadays.” She laughs, her neck craning back ever so slightly. 

“Okay. I think I will.”

“Great. You can finish helping me first though” she smiles, sliding a bag full of cans over to him.

* * *

Robbe wishes he had friends here, the people his age that he’s met over the years tend to only stay a week at a time and not many come back every single summer.

Passing by group after group of slightly older teens, people his sister’s age, he starts to think about why it is a certain type of people seem to get all the girls or guys. The popular, well-liked, confident, funny kind of people. He realises he may have just answered his own question.

Take Celia for example, everyone is always laughing around her, she knows exactly who she is and she always has some sort of boyfriend. His best friend Jens is the same, he always knows what to say to people and girls are always interested in him. Robbe doesn’t have that ability. He trips over his own words and overthinks _everything._ He decides that studying the self-assured people at the beach might be a good place to start, maybe he’ll learn how to become one of them. 

He’s almost at the entrance of the beach now, the beach chair he’d brought along keeps slipping from his grip and he has to keep stopping to adjust its position. After pausing for the fourth time, he notices a group of guys in a dark blue jeep, stopped in the queue of traffic leading to the parking lot.

Sitting in the driver’s seat is a guy with bleached hair, who has one hand on the wheel, the other arm resting out of the open window. He’s shirtless and Robbe can tell he’s slender but defined. The boy turns his head to him, but he’s wearing sunglasses so Robbe can’t be sure he’s actually looking at _him_. Maybe he’s just interested in the beach side foliage. 

This is the type of guy who’d be checking out Celia or Jens. The supremely beautiful people. Not Robbe. 

Robbe walks slowly, trying to keep pace with the car. The boy keeps glancing over and eventually smiles brightly. Robbe tries to smile back but he trips over a rock, shooting forward, letting go of the beach chair, it clatters to the ground in front of him. His arms start to flap wildly but he manages to steady himself. 

_Stupid fucking flip-flops_ , he thinks to himself. He sees the boy laughing at him, his shoulders shaking softly as he drives forward to lessen the gap between cars. “Are you okay?” he calls out to him.

“Yep. It’s just the rock sediment” he shouts back, retrieving the chair. _Rock sediment?_ What the hell is wrong with him? Why did his brain have to choose _now_ to finally remember something he’d learnt in school?

“The what?” the boy shouts back but Robbe doesn’t get a chance to say anything else, because they’ve reached the ticket barrier for the car park. The barrier arm lifts up and the jeep revs as they turn into the lot, disappearing from sight. 

Robbe’s slightly relieved. He’s humiliated himself quite enough in front of attractive guys for one day. He walks along the edge of the beach next to the dunes that lead to and from the car park, trying to pick out a good spot for people watching.

A little way up the beach, he spots Celia and her friends. He tries to keep his distance so she doesn’t see him. He takes off his flip flops, making it easier for him to walk in the sand, in case he needs a quick getaway. 

He hears someone approach the group of girls. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t my one true love Celia IJzermans” a boy says. Robbe recognises him as one of the boy’s from the blue jeep. His eyes immediately scan the area for the boy who was driving. He spots him at the back of the group, his chin tilted up to the sky, looking more interested in feeling the warm sun on his face than the group of girls next to him.

“It’s too busy here, are you coming to outer beach?” the boy asks Celia.

“I wish” she says. “My aunt is having some sort of big welcome dinner.”

“Emiel, are you about done here?” His bleach blonde boy says impatiently. 

“Drive me home first?” Celia asks him. “You don’t want to make me walk all that way by myself, do you?” 

How can she just ask them to do that? To stop their plans, take her home and then come all the way back out here. Does she have some kind of special power?

The boy who’d spoken to Robbe earlier, nods at her in agreement, without saying a word. The girls begin making their way towards the dunes. Celia stops, looking back over at Emiel again. “I’ll see you tonight though. Ocean Boulevard?” she adds. 

Robbe moves further out of sight. He watches as the car screeches back out of the parking lot, the girls scream from the back seat and fall into fits of laughter. Robbe is _never_ going to act like that to get someone’s attention. No matter how attractive he thinks they might be.

* * *

Later that evening, after dinner, he follows Celia to Ocean Boulevard, a red car pulls up and Emiel jumps out, he creeps up behind Celia, grabbing onto her waist and laughing as she screams. Then he kisses her right on the mouth, like it’s no big deal.

She gently pushes him away, laughing again. “That ship has sailed Emiel, I’m not slumming it this year.”

“Come to Lighthouse Beach, we’re having a bonfire.” he says.

“ _Fine_. Don’t you dare bring any of that crappy light beer though. I am strictly drinking vodka this summer. I’m watching my calories.”

Robbe rolls his eyes, his sister is so vapid. Whatever she’s doing seems to be working though. Robbe makes a mental note, to act like he doesn’t care and show disinterest when he actually _is_ interested. It’s all a lot more complex than he’d anticipated. He didn’t have to do any of this to get Noor to go out with him.

They start walking along the street closer to where Robbe is, outside of The Langoustine Inn. He ducks behind the restaurant’s dumpster in the alley, to the side of the building. He peeks around it, but it’s not a great vantage point. 

He hears a car door shut behind him, he twists around, spotting a blue jeep at the other end of the alleyway. He sees a familiar frame climbing out - the bleached blonde boy from the beach. He’s carrying what looks like a blouse or shirt in his hands. 

The boy ties the arms of the shirt around a tree, it almost looks like it’s hugging the bark. It’s not that dark out with the street lights on, but Robbe still has to squint to make out what’s happening. The boy presses his palm flat against the tree trunk, bowing his head. He brings his other hand up to cover his eyes, his back shudders. It takes a moment for Robbe to realise he’s crying.

It feels wrong to be here, this moment is too private for him to witness. He quietly steps out from behind the dumpster turning back towards Ocean Boulevard. His shoe crunches loudly on something, he considers making a run for it, but as he moves he slips on whatever is beneath his foot. Falling towards the dumpster, his hands grasp onto the side of it. His bare ankle scrapes against the asphalt, he hisses a breathe out through his teeth. 

The guy by the tree looks in his direction, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. _Great._ He’s walking down the alley towards him now. Robbe brushes the dirt from his exposed ankle, trying to look anywhere but the boy’s face. 

“You okay?” He asks.

“I’m fine” he groans. _I’m apparently a stalker now, but I’m fine._

He takes a step closer to Robbe, standing under the light of the street lamp now, the boy’s eyes don’t look red but they’re still shining with unshed tears. He’s wearing a thin white t-shirt with the logo of a lobster across the chest and a small navy apron tied around his waist.

He looks down at himself, smiling sheepishly. “Oh. I just got out of work.”

_Shit. Busted._ He hadn’t meant to get caught staring.

“That’s twice you’ve fallen today.” The boy smirks at him.

Robbe needs to get out of this alleyway. He starts heading toward the street, the boy falls into step with him, staring at Robbe expectantly.

“I didn’t fall either time, I never actually hit the ground” Robbe stresses. “I just have some issues with gravity.”

The boy snorts out a laugh. Robbe’s cheeks grow impossibly red. He takes a deep breath, risking a glance at the boy. 

“Thanks for the laugh-” he says, stopping in front of The Langoustine Inn. “-I really needed that today.”

Robbe just nods, not wanting to ask any questions about what he’d seen by the tree trunk. He hears shrieks of laughter coming from a couple hundred yards away, looking up he notices Celia and the rest of her crowd walking back down the street. He spins on his heels, checking the road is clear before darting across it. 

“Hey! Wait-” the boy shouts after him.

“I've gotta go” Robbe yells, not looking back.

“Sander man, you’re late!” One of the guys in the group says to him.

Robbe’s standing in the shadows of the library across the street. His heart is racing. He feels like a total creeper running from his sister like this. He allows himself to take one last look back over at the attractive boy - _Sander_ \- he’s still looking across the street trying to find where Robbe has disappeared to. His eyebrows pulled into a frown.

“What are you looking at?” He hears Celia ask.

“I was talking to a guy. But he’s gone now” he says, deepening his frown. “He just ran off..”

“Okay” she says in a singsong voice, raising an eyebrow. “Let’s go.”

Tonight’s attempt at observation and conversation was a total bust. He makes his way home, where it’s safe and he doesn’t have to pretend to be something he’s not.

* * *

The next day he walks to the beach again, cutting through the car park. In the summer months it smells like a mixture of fries, seaweed and suntan lotion, Robbe thinks it’s heavenly. 

The car park looks like it’s at capacity again, which is good, because he can blend in more effectively and it means there's more people for him to try talking to. 

There are six lifeguard stations along the beach, Robbe decides to sit by the fourth one since Celia seems to have taken a liking to the second, it should be far enough away from her.

He can hear heavy footsteps on the boardwalk behind him. 

“Go. Go. Go” a male voice yells. A tall guy flies past him, followed by a slightly shorter one. Robbe manages to jump out of the way before they collide with him. 

“Sorry!” the second boy laughs, glancing backwards. _No way._ It’s Sander again. Recognition passes across his face and he jogs back towards where Robbe is still standing. When he gets closer, he smiles warmly.

“You coming down?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. “Or are you going to run away faster than the speed of light again?”

“Uh, no. I mean, maybe, yeah” Robbe stutters. “Yes” he says more firmly, finally sounding normal.

“Yeah? You don’t sound too sure about that..” he laughs.

“I am coming down, yeah” He says, channeling his fake confidence.

Sander smiles at him again, running down the sand dunes after his friend. Robbe observes them from the boardwalk for a second, watching as they dump their belongings before running and diving headfirst into a huge wave. He realises the boy he’s with is the one Celia seems to like, Emiel.

The sand is burning hot beneath Robbe’s feet, he dumps his own things down beside their cooler. Setting up his beach chair and peeling off his t-shirt, which was beginning to stick to him in the heat of the afternoon. Pulling a book from his bag, he sits down and starts to read.

“Nice shorts” Sander says, sitting down on the sand next to Robbe’s legs. He shakes the salt water out of his hair. _Fuck, he’s so attractive._

Sander looks up at him through his eyelashes, smirking like he knows Robbe’s been staring at him.

Robbe tries not to blush. Instead he says, “You have seaweed in your hair” before looking back down at his book.

The smirk drops from Sander’s face as he’s toweling his legs dry with a t-shirt. “Get it out for me?” He asks, leaner closer to Robbe.

Robbe removes the string of seaweed for him, throwing it off to the side. Water droplets from Sander’s hair fall onto Robbe’s thigh, running down his knee. The boy is looking up at him again, his eyes a piercing green and Robbe can’t seem to look away.

“Why were you hiding in the dark last night?” He asks with a smile.

“What?” Robbe tries to laugh it off. “I wasn’t hiding.”

Sander just raises his eyebrows at him. “Do you want to try that again? Truthfully this time.”

“I- I just wanted a second to myself.”

“So you hid in an alley?” he says slowly.

“I was avoiding someone I didn’t want to see.” He sounds a little more serious than he intended to.

“I know what you mean. I wish I could avoid people in this town sometimes” he says sullenly. “I haven’t felt like doing my usual thing this summer. You kind of caught me in a weird moment” he pauses.

Robbe thinks about asking him what he means by that, but Sander carries on talking. “You did make me laugh though.”

“Oh yeah. I’m hilarious” he says sarcastically. Aloof, confident, flirty people wouldn’t pry into his personal life, they’d keep the conversation light. “I just want to take it easy this summer too, I’m tired of all the parties.” 

He leans back in the chair, panicking when his weight throws it off balance and he feels it tipping backwards in slow motion. Sander reaches out, grabbing a hold of Robbe’s calf, anchoring him. He pulls his foot back toward the ground. Robbe wants to die. He hides his face into his hands, and through the small gaps in between his fingers, he can see Sander’s lips pressed tightly together, trying not to laugh.

“Don’t judge me” Robbe says, willing the blush on his cheeks to disappear. Sander can’t keep it in any longer. He dips his head, laughing onto Robbe’s knees. Robbe can feel the vibrations from his shoulders shaking, his smile pressing against one of his kneecaps.

Sander sits back up, shaking his head at Robbe, they share a small laugh together this time before he sticks his hand out. “I’m Sander Driesen.”

Robbe takes ahold of his warm palm. “Robbe IJzermans.” He replies, almost immediately tensing up. Sander’s already met Celia, he has to know _her_ last name by now. Although if he makes the connection, he doesn’t mention it. 

Sander is still holding onto his hand. “So how did you become a rock expert?”

Robbe tries not to cringe. “Uh, I’m a scientist” He doesn’t know why he says that, he barely even listens during science class.

“Really?” He cocks his head a little. “That’s so cool.”

“Do you always hold people’s hands for this long?” Robbe asks glancing at their intertwined fingers.

“Only if they’re attractive scientists” he says, his gaze flicking from their joined hands up to Robbe’s eyes.

Robbe doesn’t know how to act uninterested in this situation. “Actually, I’m more of an astronomer. I’m tracking a comet this summer.” He used to be super into the whole astronomy thing, he can bluff about it a lot easier than he could general science. Plus he does have the telescope in his room at Aunt Juliette’s, which he's actually been utilising. It’s not entirely a lie.

“The only thing I track are Lobster traps.” He laughs bitterly, letting go of Robbe’s hand. The side of his mouth lifts, the rest following like something is dawning on him.

“What?” Robbe asks, panic slowly rising in his stomach.

“I’ve just never met an astronomer before.”

“I love the stars. Have done since I was a kid.”

“That’s how I feel about working with Impact Arts. It’s a charity helping kids who are experiencing a variety of difficulties in their lives, or that are in care. We hold art therapy classes to help them learn how to express themselves in a positive way” he says fondly. “This summer, I'm working full-time in the restaurant, but I work part-time out in North End with the charity too. Do you go to school for Astronomy then?”

“Not yet” he answers vaguely, trying to change the subject back to his work with troubled kids but Sander keeps firing questions at him.

“Are you starting in the autumn?” he asks. A surge of happiness travels through Robbe’s body, this beautiful, charming, funny, sarcastic boy is talking to _him_ and he actually seems interested in what he has to say.

“What about you?” he asks, turning the question back on him. The more ambiguous Robbe’s answers are, the more time he can buy himself.

“I’m a student at the art college in Antwerp” he says and Robbe’s jaw drops. They live in the same city. “I’m eighteen, I’ll be nineteen next month though.” Sander says, like he’s reassuring Robbe. _How old does Sander think he is?_

“What you study art?” Robbe asks in an effort to stop himself from blurting out the fact he’s only sixteen.

“Yeah, I love it. Although my mother thinks I should be studying Counselling Psychology-”

“Yeah?” Robbe asks, intrigued.

Sander hesitates before speaking. “I considered switching to a counselling degree a while back, after I went through a bit of a rough patch and therapy really helped me out. I wanted to be able to help people just like me, who were struggling. But I've been putting it off, because I just want to make sure it’s what I _really_ want to do, y’know? Maybe I just love art too much to give it up”

Robbe watches as Sander licks drops of salt water from his top lip, subconsciously biting his own. He listens to Sander throwing words around like ‘dorms’ and ‘best bars’, and all Robbe can think is ‘high school’ and ‘exams.’

“So, where do you go to school?” 

There it is. He couldn’t be evasive forever. He doesn’t want to tell Sander he’s just a closeted high school student, who has a very small group of friends and whose girlfriend just dumped him because he wasn’t serious enough. He doesn’t want the boy to get up and leave, not when he’d said Robbe is cool. Maybe Sander is just what he needs.

He can’t put it off forever though. He takes a deep breath. “I start UAntwerpen in September.” 

  
_Fuck._ That is _not_ what he’d meant to say.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a small reference to someone from Sander's past dying. So if that is something that upsets you, then it'll be best to avoid the couple of sentences after Robbe asks him about why was in the alley.
> 
> Thank you for reading and as always your kudos and comments make my day :)

As the afternoon sun begins to fade from the sky, they walk along the boardwalk towards the car park. Emiel is walking a little ahead of them, shouting into his phone. Robbe can’t hear exactly what he’s discussing but it involves a lot of _ seriously dude’s _ and  _ no way’s _ .

“I’m only here until the end of August” Robbe blurts out, adjusting the beach chair under his arm trying to get a better grip on it. Without a word, Sander takes the chair from him, holding onto it with the tips of his fingers. 

“Me too. End of the month is when school starts up again, sucks huh?” Sander said, pressing his lips into a thin line. “Hey! We’ll be in the same city. My friends and I can show you around” the boy’s green eyes brighten.

_ Oh shit.  _ He’d forgotten all about his stupid slip-up earlier, where he’d said he was going to be attending university in Antwerp. 

“So it’s all seafood and still life until school then?”  _ What is Robbe even saying?  _ _Who talks like that?_ He shakes his head at himself. 

Sweet, joyful laughter spills from Sander’s throat. “Still life isn’t really my thing but yeah, you could say that” the boy smiles widely at Robbe’s idiocy. 

“Dude…” Emiel calls to Sander, motioning with his arm towards the jeep. Sander ignores him, turning his full attention back to Robbe.

“Which one’s your car? I’ll help you with your stuff. So you don’t fall again or anything” he smirks.

“I walked here.  _ Without  _ falling I might add” he says pointing out at the street. “It’s fine though, the place I’m staying is less than a mile away.”

“ _ Come on _ ” Emiel calls again, growing impatient. “There’s some swell in the bay, we can actually surf for once in this goddamn place, let’s go!” Emiel says, loudly tapping the side of the car. He barely acknowledges Robbe’s still there, other than to throw him a quick  _ see ya _ .

When Sander reaches the driver’s side of his car, Robbe watches him lean down, pulling the keys from tire. Robbe can't stop himself from pointing over and saying, “your chances of theft are much higher by keeping your keys there.” He immediately wants to hit himself in the head with his beach chair. He is blowing this opportunity with Sander left and right.

Sander stares at him, an unreadable expression on his face. Running back over to Robbe, he sticks his hand out and asks for his phone. “I have never thought about theft before but rest assured I will now” he says beaming, typing his number into Robbe’s phone. “You should call me” he says with a wink. 

And just like that, he gets into the jeep and reverses out from the space, giving Robbe a small wave through the window. He stares after the car until it’s completely out of view.

  
  


* * *

Robbe’s been staring at his phone for the past twenty-three minutes, contemplating whether or not he should text Sander. The boy had told him to call..but maybe it’s too soon.

“What time is it?” His mum asks, from the kitchen. “Robbe, you had better start getting ready if you're going to make the teen dance.”

Robbe’s eyes widen. “I’m sorry..the  _ what? _ ” he squeaks. 

“Juliette thought it might be good for you to go to a teen thing” His dad says gently from the couch. “At the pier.”

“You told her  _ no _ right? I’m not. I can’t” he’s already nervous and out of breath.

“It’s cloudy tonight, you can’t track a comet in these conditions. What else are you going to do?” Juliette says.  


“No! Tell them how lame dances are” he begs, looking at Celia. “Please?”

“They are kinda lame” she concedes “and everyone’s always really young.”

“ _ Okay”  _ his mum says, holding her hands up in defeat. “Don’t go if you really don’t want to. We just thought it’d be good for you.”

Robbe can’t believe they were going to force him to go to a kids dance. They still don’t think he can make decisions for himself. Sander doesn’t think he’s some stupid kid. Everything’s easy with him. He can be the person he  _ wants _ to be around Sander. He stomps up to his room, shutting the door behind him. Pulling the phone from his pocket, he presses the button to call the boy, before he loses his nerve and chickens out.

It rings, once, twice.  _ “Hello?” _

Robbe can hear music and a lot of voices in the background.  _ Oh god, he’s busy _ . This was a bad idea.

“Hi” he says breathily into the receiver, standing up from the window seat. “It’s Robbe. From the beach. Today.” he begins pacing back and forth, filled with nervous energy.

_ “Astro boy!” _ He says, his voice sounds happy like he’s smiling.  _ “What took you so long?” _

“So long? We only met this afternoon”

He laughs. _ “I know but I hate all the rules. You should just call someone when you want to call them, and you definitely wanted to call me.” _

Robbe didn’t even know there were rules for calling people. He should’ve researched it first or called Jens to ask, he’d have known all about the stupid rules.

“It’s loud where you are” he babbles.

_ “Yeah, I’m at a bonfire at the outer banks right now. If you’d called earlier I would have invited you. You kinda need a four wheeler to get out here. Don’t suppose you have access to a quad or something?” _

“Nope, sorry. Nothing right now. I’m kind of at the mercy of my family this summer.” he says. Taking a deep breathe, he tries to channel his non-existent flirty confidence “I guess that just means you’ll have to pick me up for our date.” 

There’s a moment of silence and Robbe wonders if maybe he’s been  _ too _ forward or worse, he’s completely misread the signals and Sander isn’t into guys at all.

_ “I can do that”  _

Robbe loves how light his voice sounds. He’s smiling big, standing underneath the skylight in his room, looking up at the stars. 

_ “When are you free?”  _ Sander asks.

“Oh, anytime. I think”

_ “How about Friday night-”  _ There’s a crashing sound in the background of his phone call. He huffs out a laugh. “ _ -my friends are idiots. Remind me never to introduce you. You can show me these famous stars of yours.” _

“You’re in luck actually, it’s the equinox and Jupiter will be really bright-”

“ _ Wow, you weren’t kidding about the astronomy thing. Hey, I have to go but where will I pick you up?” _

Damn. Friday is his birthday. How could he forget about that? He’s turning 17. They’re not officially doing anything as a family until the Saturday, but he’s sure his parents will have  _ something _ planned. He really doesn’t want to reschedule with Sander though, so he’ll just have to make it work.

He can’t risk the boy coming to the house though - his parents would want to say hello, someone would call him honey or sweetheart and Sander would know right away that he wasn’t in college. 

“I’ll be in town, so why don’t you just pick me up from The Langoustine Inn ?” he says. “Say seven-thirty?”

“See you then” he says “Oh and Robbe? Make sure you’re hungry.”

When he hangs up the phone, there’s a tingling in his chest. The thought of his secret date making him giddy. 

* * *

He waits next to The Langoustine Inn, the line outside reaches around the corner. He bites his lip worriedly. His phone says it’s 7:26pm

7.28pm.

7.29pm.

No sign of Sander’s jeep. Maybe he won’t show. He steps onto his tiptoes, peering down the street.

“Come on Astro Boy, I’m hungry” his head whips up, seeing Sander’s car waiting at the curb. Sander is hanging out of the open window, waving him over. He climbs into the passenger seat. One of his knees keeps bouncing up and down anxiously, he pushes down on it, worried the blonde boy will notice.

“Do you like seafood?” Sander asks, his strong hands gripping the steering wheel.

“Definitely” Robbe thinks the only seafood he’s ever actually eaten is the traditional Belgian dish of waterzooi, but he doesn’t want to seem uncultured.

“Ever tried grilled scallops?” He asks.

“I love scallops!” he exclaims. He doesn’t even know what they are. He really has to stop lying at some point.

“Great, then I have an idea.” He parks the car next to a sign that reads ‘FISHERMAN’S SEAFOOD’ 

“Is this a restaurant?” Robbe asks unconvinced.

“No, this is just a market. You can buy fish straight off the boats” Sander says, extending his hand towards Robbe. 

Robbe takes a hold of the boy’s outstretched palm, letting Sander lead him inside. Robbe thinks it smells disgusting but Sander doesn’t mention anything, he must be used to it from working at the restaurant.

“Sander..and the boy from the beach” Emiel nods a greeting at them both, a wry smile creeping onto his face.

“Scallops. I need like a dozen of them” Sander says, seeming to ignore the look Emiel is giving them both. 

“Will I be seeing you at North Bend tonight?” Emiel asks his friend, shooting a quick glance in Robbe’s direction. “I get off in like, ten minutes. I’m meeting Celia at Abi’s house, if you want to come?”

Robbe lets out a small breath he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding, at the mention of his sister’s name. Sander lets go off his hand to pull out his wallet.

“Nah, I have plans. Plus, I can’t go out every night like you” 

“Well have fun…” Emiel says, drawing out the words. Robbe thinks it’s meant to be code for something more, but it’s only their first date, is that what college kids do on first dates? Will Sander be expecting that from him? Robbe doesn't think he'd be entirely against the idea.  


As they're walking back to the car, Robbe's mind is still on what Emiel had said.  “Oh, just while I remember, I need to be home for like eleven” he doesn’t know what makes him say that. He doesn’t have a curfew but his mum usually checks in on Celia around midnight, so he figures he should be home before her. “I have to help my mum out with something in the morning,” he says, thinking fast.

“With what?” Sander says as they drive out of the pier, back onto the main street.

“My sister’s going away party. It’s a huge deal for my Aunt Juliette. "Oh shit. What if he knows Celia has an aunt called Juliette.

“Sounds annoying" his lifts his eyebrows.

“You have  _ no _ idea” Robbe exhales deeply.

They keep driving until he notices they’re in the lane for the outer banks. “Are we going that far out?” Robbe asks.

“Is that not okay?” Sander glances over at him with a hint of worry. Robbe must be making a weird face because he continues talking. “I’m so bad at this. I should’ve asked you first right?”

“Bad at what?”

“ _ This”  _ he gestures between himself and Robbe. “You barely know me and I’m taking you out to the middle of nowhere. I could be a psychopath or something.”

Robbe scoots himself further over on the seat, pretending to reach for the door handle. Turning back to face the boy, he raises his eyebrows at Sander. “Are you?”

They both burst out laughing. 

“I think I’ll take the risk” Robbe grins.

“I’ll get you back by eleven. Promise”

Sander has one hand lazily on the wheel, his other arm is stretched out on the seat behind Robbe. He thinks the older boy looks happier now, the tension is gone from his shoulders. 

They pull into a spot and Sander unpacks the jeep. “Is this us then?” Robbe asks.

“Yeah, well until I have to get you home for curfew.”

“You’ve mentioned that a couple of times now,” he says. “My curfew? Usually when people repeat stuff it’s because they’re nervous.”

Sander huffs out a laugh, tapping his fingers against the boot of the car. “Is that right?” he asks breathlessly. “I’ll have to remember that.”

Robbe notices a blue arm sling tossed in the back seat. “Did you hurt yourself?” he asked, pointing to it.

“It’s not mine” Sander says quietly, coughing dryly, before speaking at a normal volume. “A few years ago my friend and I got into a car accident. It’s his.” He doesn’t try to elaborate any further or make eye contact with Robbe at all. Robbe knows how to take a hint.

“So, why are you repeating yourself so much anyway?” He asks changing the subject.

“I just..I haven’t had to worry about curfews in quite a while” he chuckles.

“My parents are pretty strict” Robbe says, which is not entirely true.  


“But you’re eighteen, can’t you do whatever you want?” He asks. Robbe freezes, he’d never actually told Sander what age he was, the boy had just assumed.

“To an extent..” he says, hoping it’s an efficient answer. He meets Sander’s eyes. “I’m doing what I want right now.”

Sander keeps staring, even after Robbe picks up the cooler and walks away from him down to the sand. Robbe smiles to himself, he must’ve said something right for once.

* * *

Sander lays a blanket out on the sand for them, gestures for Robbe to sit, and then proceeds to set up a small disposable grill. He lights the charcoal. “So, where is your sister going?” he asks, seasoning the scallops and grabbing a small tub of butter from the cooler. “You said it was her going-away party?”

“Uh yeah, she’s..going abroad for a year. So, my aunt - who we stay with during the summer - is throwing a huge party.”

“Why the scowl?” the boy laughs, adding another scallop to the grill. Robbe is distracted by the sizzling sound for a moment.

“Am I? I guess I just don’t understand why people throw goodbye parties.”

“Sometimes just saying goodbye isn’t enough. It’s easier to deal with the fact if you make a big thing of it” he shrugs, turning the scallops. 

Robbe wishes he could bring Sander to the party as his date. If Noor did show, she’d be kicking herself. 

“Ready to try one?” Sander asks, startling him from his thoughts. He looks down at the fork being held out to him. 

“Yeah, okay” he blows on it, before taking a bite. He notices Sander carefully watching his every movement. “That’s so good.”

Sander nods to himself, like it’s some sort of achievement.

Once they’re done eating, Robbe lies back on the blanket, his head against the warm sand. He’s staring up at the starry night sky, when he feels Sander laying down next to him, their sides touching. Robbe can feel the hair on his arms prickling at the contact. 

“What do you see?” the boy asks softly.

“I can just about make out Cassiopeia.”

Sander rolls onto his side, staring at Robbe. “Can you tell me my future from the stars?”

His intense gaze shatters Robbe’s pretend confidence. His heart is pounding in his chest. This feels like the sort of moment where people would feed someone a line and they’d kiss for the first time. And he  _ really _ wants to kiss Sander. 

However, the blonde boy jumps up before they get the chance to. His fingers are pulling at the hem of his shirt, lifting it up over his head. Robbe can’t help but stare, open mouthed. He sees something small on the underside of Sander’s arm, it must be a tattoo but he can’t make out what it is. 

The sun has almost fully set now, the horizon burning a bright pinky orange. Robbe takes a second to enjoy the actual view before focusing on Sander again. He sees him walk to the shore line, he’s just in his boxer briefs now. He glances over his shoulder at Robbe, smiling. “Come on then. What are you waiting for?”

“Shouldn’t we wait twenty minutes in case of cramping?” He blurts out, he  _ cannot _ go out into the water with only boxers separating their bodies from one another.

Sander’s eyes roam his face, searching for something. “You’re so funny” he says shaking his head. “What if I promise I won’t let you get cramp?”

“I dunno..”

“Afraid to get wet?” Sander asks, the corner of his mouth lifting up in a small smile.

“No” Robbe replies, his voice stubborn.

Sander shrugs, running forward and diving into the water. Robbe watches as he re-surfaces, a soaking wet Sander might just be even more attractive. He is so screwed. 

“You coming?” he yells from the water.

Robbe stands, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, watching Sander as he bobs in the water, waiting for his decision. He grasps the neck of his shirt and pulls it off. Taking a deep breath, he unbuttoned his jeans and let them fall to the ground. Sander’s eyes are focused entirely on him the whole time, it sends a blaze burning across his body

He slowly wades into the water, pinpricks of ice cold stabbing at his bare feet. “Holy shit!”

“Go under. It’ll help” Sander laughs at him.

He dives under and the cold water feels paralysing. He shoots back up to the surface, gasping for air. Sander’s arms reach out, pulling Robbe towards him. They grin toothily at one another.

Robbe’s about half an inch too short to reach the bottom of where they’re currently swimming, so he’s having to stand on his tiptoes, treading water. Sander has the extra height advantage so he seems to be able to stand up just fine. 

“I might have lied about the water being fine. I think I now understand what the people on the Titanic felt in their last moments.” he says, his jaw quivering.

Robbe cackles, his head tipping back. “You’re unbelievable”

He holds onto Sander’s shoulders, steadying himself in the water. The boy supports him by sliding one arm around his waist, the other reaching down to Robbe’s thigh, pulling at it until Robbe’s legs are wrapped around him.

As Robbe is clinging onto the boy’s body, he’s surprised by just how well they fit together. 

“You’re crazy for making me do this” Robbe laughs, his teeth chattering.

“Certifiable” Sander says almost glumly, his gaze dropped from Robbe’s eyes down to his lips. “I want to kiss you. Can I?”

He leans forward slowly and his eyes slip shut, but he doesn’t feel Sander’s lips against his own. “What are you waiting for? Hypothermia to kick in?” Robbe whispers into the night. 

Their lips meet. A soft pressure at first but when Robbe parts his lips, Sander does the same, tilting his head slightly before deepening the kiss.  _ Please let me be doing this well _ , he thinks to himself. He assumes kissing a guy is exactly the same as kissing a girl, but it’s not like he’s had a lot of feedback to go on. 

When they break apart, Sander’s eyes are kind, warm and he has one of those lazy, half-smiles on his face again. Robbe is starting to  _ really _ like those smiles.

Sander paddles back to the shore with Robbe still wrapped around his waist. Once the water is shallower, he drops himself down onto the wet sand, his body still pressed against Sander, looking up at him. He knows Sander can probably feel his partial hard-on pressing against his thigh right about now. Judging by the way the boy audibly swallows, he knows he’s right. Robbe silently curses his teenage hormones.  


“We should get you home. You’re freezing.” And just like that, the moment is gone.

Back inside the car, Robbe decides to ask Sander something that’s been on his mind since earlier.

“Why were  _ you _ in the alley that night?”

Sander’s grip tightens on the steering wheel. “My friend died” he admits. 

Robbe feels terrible, suddenly wishing he hadn’t asked. “I’m so sorry..”

“He was driving…” he hesitates. “I was coming out of a depressive episode-”

“A what?” Robbe frowns.

“A depressive episode. I’m Bipolar” He gripped the steering wheel harder, his eyes staring firmly at the deserted road in front of them, like he doesn’t want to see Robbe’s reaction. “I was too sleep deprived and couldn’t concentrate on anything. He was drunk but made the stupid decision to drive home anyway and uh.. I guess he wasn’t wearing a seat belt. I didn’t notice at the time and..”

“You hit the tree” Robbe gasps.

“Yeah. We hit the tree” Sander’s voice is barely above a whisper. “I should have known better. I could’ve stopped it from happening if I’d just gotten my shit together and left as soon as I realised my mood was dipping, and made him catch a ride with someone else. I still go over and over it in my head every single night.”

“It was an accident. You can’t control everything. You could’ve done everything differently that night and the outcome still might’ve been the same” Robbe places a gentle hand on Sander’s elbow. The boy flinches. 

“I know. People tell me that all the time but they’re just being nice” he sounds defeated. He plasters a tight smile onto his face. “So tell me about this Cassie chick?”

“Cassiopeia?” Robbe snorts.

Sander nods, and so he tells him all about her, her vanity, her toppled throne. He points out Polaris and the North Star through the windscreen. 

“You’re really smart” Sander says, a fond look on his face. “How do you remember all of this stuff?”

“I’ve always liked it for as long as I can remember” Robbe lifts both his shoulder in a happy shrug. Glancing down at the clock on the radio, he sees it’s eleven-thirty. 

“Turn at Vaulx Road” he says, directing Sander to the house. He can’t walk home at this time so he’ll have to come up with an excuse later on if anyone spots them. “It’s just the last house on the right.”

Robbe hurriedly climbs out of the truck, leaning against the open driver side window. “I’m sorry about the curfew thing. I was having fun.”

“It’s okay. You’re beautiful, so I forgive you” Sander says without missing a beat. “Can I call you tomorrow?”

Robbe nods, biting his lip. He doesn’t trust himself to speak right now.

“Hey” Sander says softly. “I have an idea” he rests his arm on the door. Robbe can finally see what his tattoo says ‘ _ I will follow you into the dark’  _ he wonders what it means. “Do you like parties?”

Usually Robbe would say no, high school parties always resulted in his friends chasing girls for the whole night or getting high in the bathroom. He wasn’t as opposed to the latter. 

“Would you maybe want to come to some too-fancy party at the restaurant tomorrow? It’s not black tie or anything, but it’s dressier than I usually am” he laughs. 

He’s looking at Robbe so earnestly that he almost says yes immediately.. but then he remembers about his birthday dinner tomorrow. 

“I can’t” Robbe groans. “I have a family thing. I wish I could though.”

“Okay” Sander gives him a small smile. “Shit, its eleven-fifty you better go” he nods towards his aunt’s house.

“You’ll still call me tomorrow though, right?” Robbe asks, biting at the skin of his bottom lip.

“Of course” Sander smiles. “You won’t get rid of me that easily”

Robbe enters the house as quietly as possible. He removes the sandy trainers from his feet and picks them up, gingerly stepping across the wooden floorboards, making sure to avoid the ones that squeak. He smiles the whole way up to his room.


	3. Chapter 3

Robbe smiles down at the watch on his wrist, his birthday dinner had finished earlier than he’d expected it to. His joy is short lived however, when Celia announces she’s going to a party. His stomach sinks, if she’s going, then he definitely  _ can’t  _ go to see Sander. Unless she’s lying about where she’s going again. It wouldn’t be completely out of character for Celia to do that. 

Maybe Robbe could go along, scope the place out and see if he can spot her inside. He pulls out his phone and sends Sander a text.  _ ‘Where did you say this party was again?’ _

**_Sander:_ ** **_Are you coming?_ **

_ Maybe. I’m trying to get out of my family stuff. _

**_Sander:_ ** **_The Dock’s Dome. Want me to come pick you up?_ **

Robbe doesn’t reply to him, instead he unhurriedly makes his own way there, trying to keep his pace slow. When he reaches the venue, he understands what Sander meant about it being too fancy. He jogs up the outside steps, grabbing the arm of some guy as he passes. “Do you know if Celia is here? Golden brown hair? Looks a little bit like a ballerina?”  _ And is a pain in the ass _ , he wants to add.

“Uh yeah, yeah, she was. She left with Emiel about five minutes ago. If you call her now, you can probably still catch up to them” He says.

“Thanks man” Robbe grins, stepping around him. Relief washes over him, that’s one less thing for him to panic about.

He pushes through the heavy wooden doors and is met with even more stairs. With a groan he begins his second ascent, finally arriving at another door. He reaches for the handle, right as it swings open from the other side and Sander walks out. The light from inside highlights his slight frame in the darkened stairwell. He looks incredible in his navy button-down shirt and pinstripe jacket. 

The boy stops abruptly, giving Robbe a double take. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” He extends his hand, holding onto Robbe’s wrist, pulling him closer. It seems to be becoming his signature move. “You look really hot by the way” he smiles, kissing him gently.

They walk back into the main room together, the music is so loud Robbe can hardly hear himself think. Sander hangs his jacket across the back of a chair. Robbe can see a Happy Birthday sign hanging up on the wall for someone named Louis. 

“It’s an open bar for beer or wine” Sander tells him.

“Uh. I’ll just have whatever you’re having” 

“ _ I’m _ having a coke since I’m driving, but I hear the beer on offer is pretty good,” he shrugs. Robbe wonders for a moment about how many decisions in Sander’s life he makes because of the accident. He wonders how many decisions in his  _ own _ life he’s made because of other people. 

He grabbed a beer from one of the ice buckets by the bar, twisting the top off and takes a small sip. It’s really bitter, nothing like the cheap beer he’s used to drinking. He tries not to make a face.

Sander’s hand slides around Robbe’s waist as they join the fray of the party. He leans in close to Robbe’s ear and asks him to dance. Robbe’s really not the dancing type. Sander puts him at ease though, and soon he finds all of his worries about what he looks like, slipping away. He moves against the blonde boy to the beat of the music, their bodies pressing flush against one another. After a few songs, the closeness gets to be too much, his head is spinning and he needs to put some distance between them so he can breathe again. “I’ll be right back,” he says, clumsily making his way to the bathroom.

Inside the small bathroom, he splashes water on his face, cooling himself down. Bracing himself against the edge of the sink, he takes a slow, deep breath and exhales it just as slowly. With his emotions under control, he feels ready to face Sander again. 

When he re-enters the room, he sees him sitting at the table where he’d left his jacket. He carefully sits down next to him. One of the girls at the table leans over to speak to him. 

“Robbe is it? Our little Sander here, is the best secret keeper in all of Knokke-Heist. He won’t tell us a thing about you.” She smiles.

“He’s going to UAntewerpen in the fall, studying Astronomy” Snader says sullenly. “There. I told you something.”

Robbe feels nauseous hearing his lies come out of Sander’s mouth. He wishes they could just go back in time and pretend he’d never said any of it.

“Interesting. Tell me something about that?” She says, still smiling.

“There’s a meteor shower next month. It’s a shame I won’t still be here for it, because you’ll get a really great view of it”

“Hey, Clare” a sandy blonde guy says, approaching the table. He’s speaking to Clare but he’s looking at Sander.

“Nate!” She squeals happily, standing up to give him a hug. “Robbe here, was just telling us all about a meteor shower”

“Nice shirt, did you buy it in town?” The boy asks him, looking him up and down. Something in the look he's giving him, tells Robbe he’s not actually paying him a compliment.

“No, I brought it from home” he says slowly, confused.

“Oh, you’re a  _ tourist _ ” he says, contorting his face in disgust and folding his arms across his chest. “That’s classy, Sander.” 

“What was the name of the meteor shower again?” Clare asks breaking the tension.

“Perseid” he says, his voice sounds hollower than before. Nate spends the next half hour talking over Robbe, excluding him whenever possible. Sander takes a hold of his hand under the table, trying to reassure him, but it’s not enough. 

_ You’ve gotta get a stronger backbone or you’ll go your whole life with people walking over you. _ He remembers Celia telling him once before.

“Is this what people here do?” he suddenly blurts out. The snide smile on Nate’s face falters. 

Robbe pushes himself up from the table. Sander stands too. “I’m curious. Do you all have some sort of internet forum where you trade insults to dish out? Because you’re all the same, you know exactly how to make someone feel like shit.”

He hears Clare snicker from her seat. “Excuse me” Robbe says walking away, his backbone thinning. He can’t believe he just did that. 

“You’re such a dick, Nate” he hears Sander sigh behind him. “I told you I didn’t want to see or hear from you until you got over this.” His anger making his words sound sharp.

Robbe’s entire body is rattling by the time he exits the door into the stairwell. He grips tightly onto the railing as he hastily makes his way down the steps.

“Robbe?” Sander calls his name, from the top of the stairs. Robbe does not want to go back into the party.

“Yeah?” he replies, his voice quiet. The sound of Sander’s footsteps grow closer and closer.

The boy stops in front of him, his eye’s searching over Robbe’s face. “Nate used to have a thing for me last summer. I shut him down and I guess he’s still hurting about it. I didn’t know he’d be here tonight. I’m sorry for how he acted in there.”

He slowly reaches his hand out to cup Robbe’s cheek, uncertainty clouding his eyes. The calluses on his hands rubbing roughly against his skin, it tickles a bit. Robbe leans up, planting a kiss on the side of Sander’s mouth. 

“Let’s get out of here. Want to go somewhere? The Beach?” Sander asks sounding unsure of himself.

“No beach tonight” Robbe says, shaking his head. “I know what I want. I want to take  _ you _ somewhere you’ve never been.”

Sander raises an eyebrow, briefly dropping his gaze down to Robbe’s mouth. “Oh yeah? And where would that be?”

“It’s a surprise” Robbe grins.

They get into Sander’s car and as they’re driving, the boy’s hand slides onto Robbe’s thigh. He doesn’t move it, but the warmth from his palm ignites a fire in Robbe. 

“Maybe I should’ve told you about Nate before now, I knew he was around this summer and it was only a matter of time before we bumped into him” Sander says, his forehead creasing.

“It’s okay” Robbe chuckles. “You weren’t even together, I get why you wouldn't think to mention him. My ex will be coming to my sister’s going away party, no matter how much I don’t want her to, so I really do understand. Sometimes you just don’t want to think about things like that.”

“Well, you should definitely wear this outfit to the party. Actually, just all of the time. Grocery shopping, taking out the trash…everywhere” he laughs, his eyes roaming over Robbe’s body. Robbe blushes at the intensity of his stare. 

He directs Sander the whole way, until they pull up next to the side entrance of a vast warehouse looking building. It’s where they repair boats and tanks, but just inside the entrance are four huge fish tanks that reach from the floor to the ceiling. They’re pretty cool and Robbe’s family just so happens to know the owner.

“You realise this is trespassing right?” Sander grins mischievously, almost like he’s proud of Robbe.

“Only a little bit. I practically live here during the summer months, but I haven’t been down as much this year” he says smiling. “Are you scared?”

Sander snorts. “I never said I was scared. I just wanted to make sure you’re aware of the shit we could get into for being here and if things do go south, I  _ will  _ run away and leave you here.”

They step into the darkened foyer, only a couple of floodlights illuminate the hallway. Sander spots the tanks almost immediately. “Wow” he says, moving closer to them. The soft blue light making his face glow in the darkness. 

“Starfish are cool. They have eyes on the end of each arm. Or is it leg?” Robbe considers. “So if they lose an arm, they’re also losing an eye. It’s kinda sad.”

Sander turns to him, cupping his cheek again, like he had done back in the stairwell. He exhales a shaky breath.

“What?” Robbe asks worriedly.

“Where have you  _ been?”  _ He asks with a shake of his head. His eyes glittering from the watery light.

“What do you mean? I- Belgium?” he offers, confusedly.

Sander barks out a laugh, leaning his forehead against Robbe’s and sighing. “You’ve got to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” Robbe’s stomach flutters. 

“Saying things that make me want to kiss you”

“Come on” Robbe says, taking a hold of Sander’s hand. He leads him towards the repair shop. They enter the room and in the middle, under a pool of light is the Alucia. The view ports and cameras are gone, the entry hatch is open and Robbe bets by next week it will all be completely dismantled. 

“Okay” Sander says slowly. “ _ What  _ is _ that _ ?”

“A deep sea submersible. It’s been to the Titanic a couple of times actually.  _ You’ll _ be a fan of that” he laughs quietly, remembering the joke Sander had made at the beach. The boy nudges his shoulder in response before running his fingers along the side of the titanium shell. He then takes a step closer to Robbe, gently running his fingertips along the length of Robbe’s forearm.

“The day I decided I wanted stars to be my life, I was eight, and my dad had taken me to the planetarium”

“Never been to one” Sander says, leaning his shoulder against the Alucia.

“I sat in the darkness, looking up at the projections and it’s like I felt my entire future change. It was the first time I realised space could go on infinitely. Can you imagine that? All the different universes out there that we have no idea about, that we’ll never reach”

“I don’t like to think about that stuff too much” Sander reaches out, grasping for his hand again. Robbe smiles at the slight contact.

“Have you ever had a moment where everything you thought you were completely shifts?” Robbe asks into the darkness, shivering as goosebumps pop up across his arms.

Sander nods. “The day I first went to North End. Emiel took me there, he volunteered with Impact Arts before I did, and he got me into it.” 

The blonde boy pulls Robbe closer. He can feel there heat from Sander’s body seeping into him, warming him to his core. 

“So, why are you working in the restaurant at all if North End means so much to you. Why aren’t you there full-time?”

Sander suddenly backs away from him, putting some distance between them. Robbe misses the blazing heat.

“Sometimes you have to do what’s right, even if it’s not what you want” He shrugged dejectedly. “My friend - the one who died - his family, they own the restaurant. They need someone to help out and I feel..”

“It’s not your fault he died, Sander. It’s important that you know that” Robbe interrupts. “You can’t stay here forever doing what everyone else wants you to, out of misplaced guilt. Does his family even know about your art and the work you do with those kids? Do you honestly think they’d want you to pass up an opportunity like that?”

“I know you don’t agree, but I  _ have  _ to” he says running his fingers along the side of the Alucia again. “Thank you for bringing me here. This is actually pretty amazing.” He changes the subject again, like he has every other time he doesn’t want to talk about something. Robbe lets him. He wants to kiss Sander’s pain away, comfort him. So instead of pushing things any further, he leans in and their lips meet.

“Where have  _ you  _ been?” Robbe whispers, once they pull apart. 

“Antwerp, Belgium” he laughs. Robbe’s head drops down onto the boy’s shoulder, embarrassed. 

“How do you manage to make everything so much more interesting” Sander says bending his head down and pressing a kiss to the nape of Robbe’s neck. He kisses his way back up to Robbe’s lips. Leaning his back against the sub, Sander presses their bodies together, still kissing. The boy’s hands run over every inch of Robbe’s body that he can reach, making his knees feel weak. 

  
  


* * *

“Well, I’ve broken into and trespassed in many places in my lifetime, but never a government facility” Sander says to him, as they sit in front of Juliette’s house. “I guess I can check that one off the bucket list now.”

“I just realised I’ve basically taken up your entire week and you’ve just met me” Robbe mutters sheepishly.

“I’m more than okay with it” Sander smiles sweetly.

Robbe looks out of the car window, towards the house. All of the lights are off, except for the one by the front door. The rest of his family must be asleep. He turns back to find Sander watching him.

“You’re going to be trouble” he says quietly.

“How so?” Robbe frowns, biting at his lips.

“I like you” Sander admits freely. “And that’s trouble for me.”

He moves away from Robbe a bit. Robbe doesn’t like the cold sensation that hits him instantly from the lack of contact. 

“I can show you the comet on Friday? The one I’m tracking” Robbe suggests, wanting any excuse to see the boy again.

“Sounds great” he smiles brightly. Robbe grins back at him. Sander isn’t running from him. He’s not bored of the space talk or the random facts Robbe spouts sometimes. He wants more from Sander, anything and everything the boy is willing to give him. He wants to spend more time wrapped in his arms, delving into all the details of the boy’s life until he knows every little thing about him. Robbe has never felt like this before.

“You sure you won’t be sick of me by then?” Robbe asks, clearing his throat. He has to check. 

“Of you?” He raises an eyebrow, his face splitting into a slow, lazy grin. “Impossible”

* * *

The next morning, rain splashes around his ankles, soaking his trainers as he runs up the pristine white steps to the library. When he grabs for the bronze handle, his slicked hand slips, as someone else also reaches for the door. 

Emiel.

“Boy from the beach” he says. Robbe wonders if he’s going to call him that every time they cross paths. 

Emiel holds the door open, allowing Robbe to step into the foyer first. He runs a hand through his wet hair, shivering as icy raindrops trickle down his neck. Robbe feels on edge, standing in the library with someone who obviously knows Celia pretty well. He folds his arms across his chest. 

The lights above them flicker, making a blinking sound. There’s a wall of windows at the back of the library and Robbe can see the sky has darkened even more.  _ Cumulonimbus clouds, _ he thinks to himself. They’re about to have some - a loud crash in the air makes him flinch - Thunder.

“So, you’ve been having fun with Sander?” Emiel asks.

“Yeah, he’s really cool” Robbe shifts awkwardly. His eyes scanning across the book titles on the nearest shelf. He wants to deflect the direction of this conversation. “So…” he wracked his brain, trying to think of anything to say. “Sander has an interesting tattoo on his arm” he offers up, trying to sound casual.

“Oh, the Death Cab lyrics?” Emiels snorts. “You a fan?”

“Of Sander?” He asks, causing Emiel to roll his eyes.

“Of the band” he clarifies.

“I’ve never really listened to them. Do you like them too?” Robbe makes a mental note to look them up later, and listen to some of their songs.

“No chance. Sander’s the sensitive one who likes all of that depressing crap” Emiel says, leaning a hand onto the stack in front of him and crossing one ankle over the other. “Look, you seem like a nice guy-”

“I have to go” Robbe cuts him off. He doesn’t like the condescending way Emiel was starting to talk to him, worried about where their conversation was going and what he'd say about him and Sander.  


“See ya then” Emiel eyes him warily, as Robbe takes off to find some refuge among the books. 

* * *

“Looks like you’re getting your wish after all” his mum announces, hanging up the landline phone. “Noor isn’t coming to the party”

Robbe freezes. So that’s it, Noor really isn’t changing her mind about their breakup. She doesn’t want him back. In some sick way, Robbe hates it. He knows now more than ever, that he doesn’t like girls in that way and he could never give Noor what she wanted, but her completely turning her back on him, meant that he has no choice but to deal with the thoughts and feelings he’s been avoiding. His reality back home will change and Robbe is dreading it.

“Sweetheart, did you hear me?” His mum asks. 

“Yeah” Robbe clears his throat. “I heard you. That’s fine”

“Just fine huh?” His mum smiles.

Robbe excuses himself, trudging upstairs to his room. He lifts open the lid of his laptop and opens the first Death Cab for Cutie album he finds on Spotify. He lies down in the darkness and listens to each of the songs. His bed is comfy and the rain tapping against the skylight above him is soothing, it’s not long before he finds his eyes slipping shut. 

The sharp vibration of his phone causes his eyes to blink open again. 

**_Sander: Broken into anymore buildings lately?_ **

_ Always _

**_Sander: Do you like all this rain?_ **

_ I do, but my comet trajectory does not _

**_Sander: Will it affect our plans for Friday?_ **

Robbe smiles softly at the phone screen. The weather forecast had said the rain would clear up by Friday night. He hopes that’s true after all the work he’s put into tracking the comet.

_ We should be fine for Friday. Don’t worry. _

**_Sander: I’m glad. By the way, there’s a huge party and bonfire happening on Saturday. Would you want to go?_ **

Robbe visualizes Celia’s train pulling into the station in Amsterdam - where she’ll be living for the next four years. With his sister gone, no-one will know him. He can go wherever he wants, with whoever he wants. 

_ Wouldn’t miss it _

He slides his phone under the pillow, pressing play on the music and allowing Death Cab to pull him into a deep sleep. 


	4. Chapter 4

As Robbe’s dad looks over his comet calculations, he stares out of the huge bay window. Outside, the sun beats down against the white patio furniture. It’s finally warming up, but all of the rain and thunderstorms mean the sand down at the beach will probably still be wet until tomorrow. 

“I’m impressed, kiddo” His dad glances at him. “You have a very small margin of error”

“Oh, thanks” he smiles and nods at the folder as his dad passes it back to him. His thoughts are still fully with Sander. He’d discovered last night that Death Cab’s songs all overemphasise heartbreak and angst, and he wonders if that’s why Sander feels so connected to them. 

He absentmindedly runs his hand across the plastic cover of his folder, as his dad continues to talk. “What do you still have left to do?” the man asks, standing up and gathering his newspaper and coffee cup. 

Robbe refocuses his thoughts and sits up a little straighter in his seat. “I’ve got to clean the optics on the telescope, and then I think I’m about done”

“Excellent. Sounds like you have everything under control” His Dad smiles at him.

* * *

Telescope,  _ check.  _ Flashlight,  _ check.  _ Approximately 524 jelly beans to snack on,  _ check _ . And his mobile phone...he pats down his jacket pockets to feel for it,  _ check. _ Aunt Juliette had insisted he call her at the first sign of any “drunk pissheads” on the beach. 

He glances at himself in the hallway mirror, tugging at his tan jacket and green sweater until they’re sitting just right on his torso. 

“Want me to drive you?” His dad asks from the couch. 

“No!” Robbe exclaims too quickly. “I mean, it’s fine. I can manage without any help”

“Okay. Good luck” His dad chuckles, turning back to face to television. 

Robbe is halfway down the main road and tucking into his eighth jelly bean, when a blue jeep pulls up next to him. Sander has his arm laying across the open window, his chin resting on the back of his hand. Robbe’s eyes are instantly drawn to the leather jacket he’s wearing. He rises up onto his tip toes, to get closer to Sander. Under the jacket, the boy is wearing a checkered shirt with the buttons undone and a band t-shirt underneath. He looked so dreamy and completely inaccessible, Robbe’s breath catches in his throat. 

“Nice outfit” Robbe smiles.

“Well, I was going to wear a tuxedo and bow tie, but I thought it might’ve been a bit too much for a third date” Sander replies.

“I’m glad I didn’t wear mine then, that would’ve been embarrassing” Robbe’s smile widens. “Plus it wouldn’t have matched with the telescope.” 

Sander looks so giddy and proud at the fact Robbe is playing along with his joke. He reaches a hand out, sliding the strap of the telescope from Robbe’s shoulder and lifting it inside the car. “Are you getting in? I’m ready to see some comets” 

* * *

Once they climb out of the car, Sander reaches into the back seat for the telescope. He slings the strap over his shoulder and turns to face Robbe.

“This is a very serious scientific experiment. I have to get everything right or there will be catastrophic consequences. I hope you know what you’ve signed up for” Robbe grins stupidly. “You’re here as an assistant only”

Sander furrows his brows but he’s still smiling. “Absolutely” he says, giving him a salute. Robbe giggles at how cute he is.

“Let’s go then” Robbe says, adjusting both straps of his backpack before leading the way to the beach. 

“So why _this_ comet?” Sander asks as they pass under a street light. “Why the obsession?”

He almost tells him the truth, that his aunt still thinks he’s a little kid and set up a telescope for him for the summer, but he can’t bring himself to admit that. He stays silent for a moment, choosing his words carefully. 

“It’s good to have a specialization when you’re studying Astronomy. You know, to come into school with a research project” he gulps. He has no idea if that’s true, but it sounds right.

“Nice” Sander smiles.

_ You seem like a nice guy… _ Emiel’s words come into his head. 

“Nice..” Robbe says, lingering on the word as they step out onto the velvety sand. “I hate that word”

The farther they walk onto the beach, the darker it gets. Which is exactly what he needs. Once they’re about a thousand feet from the car park, Robbe looks up at the sky. The conditions are as he’d expected. He quickly spots the constellation he needs, Orion. Dropping his backpack onto the sand, he takes the telescope from Sander. 

“What’s wrong with nice?” Sander asked, his voice hushed. 

“Nice is what you say when you get a ninety on an exam” Robbe says, his face twists as he struggles to alter the telescope. “It’s what I say to my mum when she asks what I think of her outfit.  _ Nice” _

Sander takes two corners of the soft blanket and spreads it out on the sand for them. Robbe unearths four smooth stones from his bag and places them at each edge. 

“You brought your own stones?” Sander chuckles, staring at him.

Robbe cocks his head to one side and gives the boy a look that tells him to shut up. Sander lifts his hand in defence. “Okay, what do you need me to do next?”

“You can hold the flashlight” Robbe says, handing it over to him.

He unfolds his star chart and begins to adjust the exposure of the telescope. He checks his watch.  _ Eleven-thirty,  _ they have about twelve minutes. 

“If I’ve done everything correctly, the coordinates of this comet will be directly to the left of that star” he explains, pointing up at the night sky. “Tonight’s the first night you can see it with the naked eye.”

“I don’t know what I’m looking for” Sander squints up at the sky. 

“I’ll show you” he says, looking into the viewfinder. He sighs, unhappy with the eyepiece he’s chosen. It won’t work for this. He swaps it for another. Robbe types the coordinates into his ancient school laptop, and the coordinates locate the comet based on his previous calculations. He smiles.

“Why do you have your old high school laptop?” Sander asks.

The smile falls from Robbe’s face. Oh fuck. He glances down at the school logo sticker adorning the front of the laptop.

“I bought it from them” He rushed the words out. “Yeah. They sold it to us for cheap during our senior year. I only use it for data collecting. I’ll have a new one for uni”

Guilt sat tightly on his chest. He  _ hated _ lying to Sander, but he’s in too deep, he doesn’t know how to undo all of the lies. Taking a deep breath, he looks back through the telescope lining it up accurately. 

“You look really professional right now” Sander smiles. “I can just picture you in some big government funded lab or observatory with your little white lab coat on”

Robbe snorts, rolling his eyes at the boy. “Please be right” he whispers, staring down at the laptop. “I uh, I programmed it to beep if the co-orindinates are a match.”

They’re met with silence.

“It’s going to beep” Sander reassures him, looking at the laptop. “Any second now, it has to”

“You have no idea how any of this works do you? But thank you for the support” He says, his voice quiet. 

“Come on” Sander whispers at the laptop.

_ Beep. _

Robbe exhales heavily. Thank god.

“Thank god” Sander says outloud, mirroring his thoughts. 

Robbe points up at the white, fuzzy ball of light creeping across the sky. It’s funny to see how small it looks up there. All these weeks of hard work have finally paid off.

“Look at you, Astro boy” Sander gives him a playful shove. “I don’t think I’ve seen you smile like this before”

“I worked it out, all by myself. Look at it, it’s perfect” he points back up at the sky. 

Sander cracks his knuckles. “Alright, step aside. I need to get a better look at this comet”

Robbe can’t help smiling more, as Sander leans down, pressing his eye to the lens. He doesn’t say anything, just pushes his hands into his jacket pockets and stares up at the comet. 

In this moment, Robbe feels the most vulnerable he’s ever felt. He’s put himself entirely on display tonight. Even though he’s not eighteen and he’s not going to UAntwerpen just yet, Sander is getting to see the real him. His confidence experiment may have been what caught Sander’s attention, but it’s  _ Robbe _ that he likes. 

Sander pulls back from the telescope. “ _ That” _ he says, pointing at it. “Is fucking cool”

A warmth radiates across his chest and down to his stomach. “Not exactly the scientific term for it but yeah, it’s pretty fucking cool”

Sander wraps an arm around Robbe’s waist, pulling him closer. “What does Perry Hation mean?”

Robbe doesn’t correct his mispronounciation because it’s too cute. “When the comet is closest to our sun, it breaks up and melts away. A university in Hawaii started tracking this one eleven months ago, it was about seventy million miles away back then”

“I won’t even ask how you found it” the boy says, pressing a kiss against Robbe’s neck. He draws in a shaky breath from the softness of his lips. He pulls back slightly but Robbe follows, leaning into him. Sander huffs out a breathy laugh. “Thanks for inviting me to watch this”

Sander drops to his knees on the blanket before allowing himself to fall onto his back. He squints up at the constellations and stars above them. Robbe sits down next to him.

“Are you okay?” Robbe asks after they’ve been silent for a few moments. “You’ve gotten kinda quiet on me”

Sander’s eyes are still focused on the night sky but his warm hand is suddenly placed on top of Robbe’s. “I’ve just never seen a comet before” he says, sounding amazed. 

“Well this place doesn’t always have the  _ best _ viewing conditions in the world but it’s pretty good” Robbe grins. They fall into silence again.

“I feel like I have to tell you something” Sander says quietly, turning onto his side. He’s looking at Robbe the same way he had on their first date. 

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Robbe scrunches his eyes closed.  


“No?” Sander huffs. 

“Okay. Continue.”

Sander raises one eyebrow and shakes his head, seemingly to refocus. “I-” he hesitates, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. “I took a leave from school.”

“From art school?”

Sander nods. “I’ve actually been living here all year. Things took a turn after my friend..y’know. And I couldn’t handle it. I’m supposed to start back at the end of August. So, I sort of lied to you about being in school right now. I’m sorry”

“Why?”

“Because of what I told you that night at the Alucia. I’m working at the restaurant to help Tom’s family. Ever since he died, they’ve been struggling and they need all the help they can get.”

“But it’s not what you want to be doing” Robbe frowns.

“I owe it to them”

Robbe shakes his head. Just like Sander’s guilt about the accident, this decision also seems illogical to him.

“You’re frowning” Sander tells him, his eyebrows raised.

“Am not” Robbe shakes his head.

“How would you know? You can’t see your own face” Sander smirks.

“Stop” Robbe smiles despite the serious conversation.

“Sorry. I know we haven’t known each other for that long but I thought I should be honest with you, because I like you, and there’s a good chance I’ll still be  _ here _ in August. It’s less than two hours away from you though..”

“Did they ask you to stay for them? His family?” Robbe bites at his lip. He doesn’t want to lecture Sander but he doesn’t understand this at all.

“Not exactly”

Robbe sits back on his elbows. “Are you asking for my advice?”

“Yeah” Sander nudges Robbe’s foot with his own. “I guess I am”

“Ok, just remember you asked for it” he chuckles. “We don’t need to get into a deep discussion about probability and quantum mechanics but-”

“Please don’t” Sander laughs half-heartedly.

Robbe chuckles again. “Probability is all about how likely something is to happen. If you frame every situation in your life in terms of probability, think about this: how many times did Tom drive drunk and how many times did you or someone else get into the car with him anyway?”

“I don’t know. A lot maybe?”

“Exactly. Now probability says every time you all drank and every time he was together with friends, the same likelihood existed that he’d get into a car. The same probability existed that he’d get into an accident”

“That’s not very uplifting” Sander screws his face up.

“Forget about equations. What I’m trying to say is, you’re a human being with your own free will. I don’t believe our decisions are programmed into the universe with the big bang or that they’re written into the fabric of time. You didn’t force him into the car. You didn’t make him forget his seat belt. You didn’t choose to be unwell that night. Why do you need to make all the events of that night your responsibility?” Robbe feels slightly breathless by the time he’s finished talking. “Sorry if I seem a teensy bit too invested in this”

Sander is quiet for a moment. “You’re not mad? That I didn’t tell you?”

“Of course I’m not mad. It just seems strange to give up what you really want”

Robbe doesn’t say anything more. He’s in no position to preach to Sander or hold a grudge about this, considering the intricate stories he’s weaved since they met. This would be the perfect moment to tell Sander about his own lies; to tell him he’s Celia’s brother, and that he’s only seventeen...but he can’t bring himself to do it. He likes how Sander sees him too much.

  
_ Selfish coward, _ he yells inside his head. His stomach knots and twists in a way he’d become all too familiar with. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slowest update ever. This isn't a long chapter, but it's a chapter!  
> I should have the next one up over the weekend too. Hopefully.

The exhilaration of the comet still courses through Robbe, as he stares up at the night sky. Sander sits up suddenly, his eyes focused on the shore ahead. “Have you ever-?” He starts to ask, his gaze still placed firmly on the rhythmic movement of the waves against the sand. 

“What?” Robbe questions, rolling his head to face the direction of the other boy. 

Sander taps his fingers against his knees. “Have you ever-” he sighs, glancing up at the moon above them. “It might work”

“What might work?” Robbe asks, sitting upright. 

The boy stands up and holds out his hand. “I’ve got something to show you” he says, as he pulls Robbe to his feet.

“But the telescope-” Robbe says, as Sander begins dragging him towards the shoreline. 

“It’s not going anywhere. Besides, we’re only going down to the shore” he says, striding towards the swell of waves. 

Robbe bites his lip, hesitating as he glances back at the telescope. Shaking the thoughts from his head, a wide grin breaks onto his face and he rushes after Sander. “Wait!” he calls.

“Run faster” Sander laughs, still out in front of him. 

So he does. He keeps running and running after this beautiful boy, his trainers are practically sliding off his feet in the sand but he doesn’t care. As he finally catches up to the blonde boy, Sander grabs him around the waist, pulling him closer. Seaweed crunches beneath their feet.

Sander’s hands are strong and warm against the small of his back. Robbe pretends he knows what he’s doing, as he leans forward and their mouths meet. Sander switches up the position of his head, so Robbe does too and the kiss deepens. Sander grips him even tighter. When he pulls away, he smiles brightly. 

Further up the beach, the beam of the lighthouse revolves around and around, sending periodic swirls of light up the sand. Where they’re standing is dark except from the silver glow of the moon. 

“Okay, so you have to stand where I am for it to work” Sander says, his hands on Robbe’s shoulders as he moves him into position. 

“For what to work?” Robbe giggles, furrowing his brow. 

“Wow, do I know something my little genius astronomer doesn’t?” Sander coos. 

_ My genius astronomer,  _ Robbe tries to fight the blush creeping its way across his pale skin.

Sander bends over, throwing handfuls of seaweed aside. The moon’s rays make the sand beneath a bright white. With his index finger, he draws a large ‘S’ shape in the sand, followed by an ampersand, and then finally an ‘R’

Robbe gasps. It’s  _ glowing.  _ He looks from the moon to the sand, to Sander’s smiling face. 

“It’s the phosphorescence that makes it glow in the dark,” Sander shrugs.

“It’s amazing” he smiles, throwing his arms around the boy’s neck. When Sander kisses him, he runs his hands up and down Robbe’s sides, causing a tingle to surge through his entire body. “Thank you for this,” he says, hugging him. Sander’s arm remains around Robbe’s waist as they make their way back to the telescope. 

Once Robbe makes sure the telescope is still aimed correctly, he lays back down onto the blanket, next to Sander. “What were you going to ask me before?”

Sander groans, running a hand through his hair. “Have you ever-” he leads but stops again.

It’s Robbe’s turn to groan now. “Have I what? Just say it”

“Have you ever had sex with a guy before?” he asks quietly, staring up at the sky. 

“Oh” Robbe says with a hard swallow, flipping one of the flashlights on and off. 

“I’ll take that as a no then” Sander huffs out a breathy laugh. 

Robbe sits up with his legs stretched out in front of him. “I want to. I just haven’t had the chance. School, classes and the whole wanting to do it with the right guy thing, y'know?”

He doesn’t mention the small issue of him being so far in the closet back home, that he’s almost reached Narnia. Sure, Robbe had kissed a few girls, touched their breasts through their shirts or whatever, but he’d never once felt it in his body. Not like he does with Sander.

Sander rises onto his elbows. “I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks, so what I’m about to say might be a bit much but-”

“I don’t care,” Robbe says quickly. “You can say anything to me”

“When I’m with you, life is bearable. For the first time since Tom died, I actually feel happy” he says, putting his hand on Robbe’s knee. 

_ Oh.  _ He stares at the highlight of Sander’s knuckles, glowing under the soft moonlight. “I don’t know what to say to that. It feels..important, so I don’t want to mess up by saying something totally lame”

“I want to make you feel good” Sander says. “As good as you make me feel.”

“You do” he says. Sander’s hand moves further up Robbe’s leg, rubbing softly at his thigh. “You’re one of the most sincere people I’ve ever met”

“Thank you, but that’s not what I meant..” he smirks, using his other hand to push gently against Robbe’s shoulder, guiding him backwards until he’s laying down once more. He replaces his palm with his mouth, kissing at the exposed skin of Robbe’s collar bone. Moving slowly down Robbe’s body, he pauses at the waist band of Robbe’s jeans, his fingers applying some pressure against his hip bones. The moon and the darkness cast shadows on Sander’s face. All he can see are his eyes and the curve of his lips. 

_ How is this breathtaking boy interested in him? _

“Is this okay?” Sander whispers, his fingers now hovering carefully above the button and zipper of his jeans. “I don’t want to do anything if it’s not okay”

“I like it. And it is okay” Robbe voice cracks, shivers running up and down his spine, making him shudder. He focuses on the sound of the waves and the soft graze of Sander’s fingers against his jeans, as he works to undo them. 

  
“Lift up” the boy says. Robbe does what he’s asked. He quivers at the cold air ghosting across his bare legs, as the boy pulls his jeans and boxers further down his legs. Sander leans forward pressing a trail of kisses against his inner thigh. Robbe inhales a sharp breath.  _ Breath, just breath,  _ he repeats silently to himself as he feels Sander’s warm mouth envelop him. His hands find their way into Sander’s hair, gripping gently. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive apology for the length of time this update has taken. I needed a bit of a break from chaptered stories. I'm back now though and I'll be updating more regularly again. 
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me! Let me know your thoughts!

“Robbe!”

He blinks, finding his Mum’s hazel eyes staring down at him. Her right eyebrow cricks up. He pulls out his earphones. He must’ve fallen asleep with Deathcab For Cutie on repeat. 

“I’ve been calling you” She says, pulling back to look at him more clearly. “You fell asleep in your clothes?”

“I guess so. I was up late last night because of the comet”

“I want to hear all about it over breakfast” His Mum says. “So, come on. Dad says you offered to help him with some cataloguing for work”

“But it’s a Saturday. And a holiday”

“When has that ever stopped your father?” She asks placing her hands on her hips.

“Good point” he replies. After his birthday dinner, he was so desperate to get out of there and see Sander, he’d have agreed to anything.

His mum walks away but pops her head back into the room. “I’ll tell your father you’ll be downstairs in five, okay?”

Robbe groans, pulling the covers over his head. “Okay.”

* * *

“Well?” His dad says once they get into the car. “Coordinates?”

“They were perfect” Robbe nods. “One-hundred percent accurate”

“And the conditions?” 

“Low light pollution. Probably couldn’t have asked for better seeing conditions” Robbe shrugs.

“Brilliant” His dad smiles. “Was there anyone else on the beach?”

“Oh. Um.” Robbe stammers. “You know, just some kids. Some people fishing or whatever”

“No other astronomers?”

“No. No, just uh, me” 

_ What is wrong with him?  _ Does getting your first blow job turn you into a babbling moron? Is that a known side effect?

“You alright?” His dad asks, worry lines wrinkling his forehead.

“Just tired. I didn’t get packed up until after midnight” Robbe tries to ground himself in facts. Reciting the comet’s ascension and declination to himself. Trying desperately to distract himself from the thought of Sander’s warm touch. His fingers brushing under the waistband of his jeans. His strong grip on his hips. Robbe wonders if this is what it feels like to fall in love. When you feel it with your whole body and heart. 

“You know, you don’t have to help me catalogue all day” His dad says as they climb out of the car. “You could go into town, there are a lot more people your age around here now, maybe you could make a few friends”

Robbe groans. “I don’t know any of them though. They probably wouldn’t want to hang out with me” he says as he follows his dad up the stairs to the office building. 

“Why would you automatically assume they don’t want to hang out with you? They'd be lucky to have you as a friend” 

He doesn’t do that..does he? Does he assume people don’t want to spend time with him before actually speaking to them? He’d spent the summer alone so far, apart from when he's with Sander. And even with him, he’d pretended to be something he wasn’t at first. At home he has three best friends and one former girlfriend. That’s it. Maybe all of this is Robbe’s fault. Maybe other people would’ve wanted to get to know him, if only he’d given them the chance. 

“I don’t assume people don’t like me” he huffs under his breath. Robbe sits down at one of the desks, his dad places a heavy binder in front of him. 

After his hands start to ache from cataloguing, Robbe takes his dad’s advice and walks into town. He wanders aimlessly for a while before the late-afternoon sun starts getting to him. He steps inside the first cafe he comes across for an iced coffee, enjoying the small respite from the heat. 

As he steps back outside, his eyes land on a group of four teenagers, they look around his age. Taking a deep breath, his feet begin moving towards them.

“Uh, hi” He says shakily. His plan to feign confidence has already gone out the window. “I’m Robbe. Mind if I join you?”

* * *

They sit on the wall at the edge of the cafe building for hours. Robbe tries to keep up with their conversation, making small comments here and there. 

“Do you have plans for tonight?” Elise asks, drawing his eyes to hers. 

“I’m supposed to be meeting up with a..friend” He says, rubbing a hand across his neck. 

Elise raises an eyebrow at him but she doesn’t question him further, turning to continue her conversation with Gabe, Claudia and Will. Robbe pulls his phone from his pocket, shooting a quick text to Sander, asking the boy to pick him up from outside The Langoustine Inn instead of his house. 

“So Robbe, do you come here every summer?” Will asks. 

“Yeah, it’s fun for the most part, but I get bored a lot.” 

“I know what you mean” Claudia says, twisting a strand of hair around her finger. “There are  _ no _ parties here”

“God, I couldn’t care less about parties” Gabe grumbles. “At home the basketball team throws one every week and I’m sick of watching my friends barf. I barely go to them anymore.”

His phone vibrates. Robbe glances at it quickly, not wanting to seem rude. Sander’s name lights up the screen, with a message saying _seven_ _ -thirty on the dot.  _ Robbe smiles to himself. Between seeing Sander soon and enjoying the company of his four new friends more than he expected to, he feels happy.

“Is that your boyfriend?” Elise asks, nodding at his phone screen. Robbe’s stomach drops.

“W-what?” 

“The guy you were with at the party at The Dock’s Dome?” She questions. “That’s your boyfriend right?”

“I knew I recognised you from somewhere” Claudia smiles at him.

He hurriedly looks across the road at The Langoustine Inn, there's no sign of Sander’s jeep to save him from this conversation. 

“Oh  _ him.  _ No. No way, he’s not my boyfriend” Robbe scoffs with a shrug of his shoulder. “Blonde hair and green eyes isn’t really my type” He  _ hates _ himself for lying, but he can’t seem to stop the words from spewing out of his mouth.  


The group snickers, until Claudia and Gabe focus on something over his shoulder and Will gestures for him to turn around. Robbe doesn’t need to though, he already knows who is standing there. His stomach clenches. 

He hops down from the wall and immediately moves towards Sander. The boy is frowning but he flinches as Robbe approaches, shaking himself out of the moment. 

“Sander” he says, because more complex sentences seem too hard right now. “This is Elise, Claudia, Gabe and Will” his voice is all breathy and high-pitched. 

Sander nods at them, giving them a polite smile. 

“We’re going to the bonfire” Robbe squeaks. “I’ll message you guys tomorrow”

As they say their goodbyes, Will whispers a quick “good luck” in his ear. Robbe tries to swallow the lump in his throat. He’s gonna need it.

Sander and Robbe walk side by side down the street. But the boy is silent. Robbe wants to say he’s sorry, actually what he really wants is to curl into a little ball and cry, but he should probably start with an apology. He could be bold and try taking a hold of Sander’s hand, but he’s not bold. He keeps his hands in his pockets.

Under the street lights, Sander’s expression is dark and brooding. 

“Where are we going?” Robbe dares to ask. 

Sander stops and runs one hand over his hair. “I don’t know. Do you actually  _ want _ to go anywhere with me?”

“You know I do” Robbe pleads. Sander’s still frowning though.

“No” he shakes his head. “I don’t know that”

“Can we please talk? I want to explain” Robbe says, he doesn’t care that he sounds desperate. “I know what you heard sounded horrible-”

Sander starts walking again, towards the beach. Robbe scurries after him, trying to keep up. The thought of Sander ending things between them makes Robbe feel sick. They share something deeper than he’s ever experienced before. Something real. 

Once they get to the beach car park, Sander leans his hands on the wall that separates the asphalt from the sandy dunes. He looks out towards the ocean. The sky is a twilight blue, with hints of lavender, just like on their first date. Robbe wants to punch himself. 

“I didn’t mean what I said” He explains, his voice quiet. 

“It didn’t even sound like you” Sander says, his voice just as quiet. “ _Is_ that you? I mean, the real you?”

“The real me?”

“The type of person who’d say shit behind my back. Is that what you’re really like?” His eyes drop to the ground. 

Robbe shakes his head. “I like you so much,” he says. He clears his throat because he can hear the panic and desperation in his own voice. “I wish I could explain just how much I like you, but I’m not good with words. This is all new to me, I’m not usually in this situation..”

Sander finally looks at him again, furrowing his brow. It makes shame flare in his stomach, he  _ hates _ hurting people.

“What do you mean, you’re not usually in this situation?” He asks.

All of his excuses sound so stupid and childish, he wants to kick something. Needing a moment, he walks down the wooden stairs to the beach. 

“Robbe,” he hears Sander call after him. 

He doesn’t look back, but he hears the boy’s familiar footsteps following him down to the sand. Robbe slips off his shoes, bending down to pick them up and walks across the cooling sand. His toes crunch on seaweed as he finally makes it to the shore. The moon shines over the water and the stars are just starting to peek through the cobalt blue sky. 

“It’s easy for you” He says, glancing down at the waves. 

“What is?”

Robbe looks at Sander, his frown is gone and instead, there’s interest in his eyes. 

“Being you” Robbe says. “Being unapologetically who you are. You know all the good and bad things about yourself. You know what you want to be, I don’t mean for a job, but like on the inside. You know who you  _ are... _ I don’t have a clue. I see small glimpses now and again but-”

“I find that hard to believe-” Sander cuts in.

“Believe it” Robbe smiles sadly. “I know who to be when I’m tracking comets or talking about sciencey stuff, I guess-” he has to stop to gather his breath. He didn’t think he’d get so emotional confessing something he'd avoided admitting about himself. “I always assume no-one likes me” he says but can’t make himself meet Sander’s eyes. “I just automatically assume it. It’s easier thinking that, than putting myself in a position where someone…”

“Can reject you?”

“Bingo”

“Who were those people from before? Who cares what they think?” Sander said. He sounds exactly like Cecila. 

Sander reaches out for his hand, and the warmth and tender grip of his skin almost makes Robbe’s knees buckle from relief. 

“They’re really nice people, actually. That before was  _ all _ me. They just seemed so cool and I felt stupid”

“You never did that with me, did you? Show off because you were nervous?”

Robbe makes another split-second decision. He tells another lie. Adding to the countless others he’s told this summer. “No. I’ve never pretended to be someone else with you”

A wave of nausea flows over him, as guilt settles in his stomach. The words taste sour in his mouth, he has to balance it with something true. “You always remind me how much I matter. The me on the inside. You make me feel like I’m enough.”

Sander steers Robbe by his shoulder’s until he’s facing him. He uses his index finger to tilt his chin upwards, forcing Robbe to look at him. 

“Can I just add that I’ve never felt so stupid in my entire life?” Robbe says. 

Sander takes a hold of Robbe’s hand, and gestures behind them at the dry sand with the other. They sit down on the sand, just as someone further up the beach, next to the bonfire, sets off a firework. The blast vibrates deep in the center of his stomach. 

“I told you this already” Sander says, glancing over at him. “But you are  _ so  _ different than anyone I’ve ever met”

“My strangeness is interesting. Great” Robbe mumbles, ducking his head. 

A second firework explodes above their heads. “Yeah. Any guy that goes to a library and researches my tattoo, is someone I want around” he smirks. 

Robbe’s jaw drops. “I..What?”

Sander’s laugh is melodic. “Emiel told me you asked him about it”

Robbe groans, covering his face with his palms. Sander’s laugh echoes around him. 

“I wanted to be able to talk to you about it” Robbe admits shyly. “To talk to you about something other than science.”

Sander reaches an arm around Robbe’s waist. It feels all too familiar here with Sander’s warm hands on his body. 

“I really am sorry about everything” Robbe says.

Sander nuzzles his nose and mouth against the nape of his neck. Robbe turns his body until he’s facing Sander completely and they kiss deeply. Robbe wonders why people don’t kiss like this every chance they get. Sander guides Robbe backwards, until he’s laying on his back in the sand. 

Sander pulls back slightly and Robbe whines chasing his lips. The boy huffs out a laugh. “I need to catch my breath”

Robbe giggles. “Oh. So, now the secret’s out. Why that tattoo?”

“Tom loved Deathcab. It was a band we listened to a lot when we were younger.” He says, twisting his arm, so that the tattoo is facing him. “The lyrics just stuck with me.”

Robbe squeezes Sander’s arm. He knows how difficult it is for the boy to talk about Tom. Something comes over Robbe and he can’t stop himself from saying it; he doesn’t know why he says it. All he knows is that he means it. 

“I can’t stop thinking about you, he says. “All of the time.”

Sander leans forward to kiss him again and they only pull apart when shrieks of laughter from up the beach, startles them. It’s always strange how everything else fades away into nothingness when he’s with Sander. 

They decide not to join Sander’s friends at the bonfire. Who needs cheap beer, when they have each other and the stars?

**Author's Note:**

> I know nothing about the coastal town I've chosen for the purpose of the story, so you'll just need to suspend disbelief at any inaccuracies.
> 
> Comments and Kudos make my day. Thank you for reading!


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